Wrath and Shame

I wonder if I’ll find something to live for
Or maybe the whole concept is flawed
And wonder I if I need someone to live for
Of if the emptiness you left in your place will suffice

Your absence envelopes things all
More and more I am defined by the depravity that haunts
More and more I think I was born to mourn
Elohim, what abomination have your begot?

I could have been born a sage
One wrought of love, made of grain
Yet all I am is pettiness and disdain
A cannibal of hate, shameful and meek

Your voice I still remember, it melts in my ears
A symphony that the universe sang just for me
Each day, I lose it a little, in a cacophony of grief
That hums in each night, buzzes in each tree

I’ll write it in a poem, it’s all I can do
And wait and see if it shakes the heavens to its core
The heavens shake only to their own accord
There is no justice, Elohim is a fickle god

Let the heavens standstill, firm and staunch
Let my calls be ignored, let all my pleadings go unresolved
Keep it a mystery, if it’s the compassion or the god that is amiss
My love, mine love, stay blissful, stay content

And let not the things that remind me of you, remind you of me
Forget what Elohim decreed, there was never fairness in this trade
I am from you, and you’re not from me
You are your God’s wrath made flesh, I am the vessel of his shame