A Dead God’s Love

It’s not that it doesn’t hurt anymore
Just most days numb enough to not lament more
What good is writing more elegies for what was
Who asks forgiveness for not staying anymore?

There is a serious tragedy to not being enough
You’re only ever not enough for the people you love
Forgive me too, I am not as strong as they say
I barely held together, by an odd memory, some duct tape

Did you mean it, when you say those things
That if it were up to you, you’d never leave
I believed it then, more for my sake than yours
Just know that I never meant to kill your god

I am unsure how his blood stains my hands
I didn’t even know that gods could die
And believe, I did too, mourn his loss
The death of the god, that gave me my name

So, in the stead of a dead god, to you, I laid my sins bare
If you can pass judgment or hold me dear
Just not leave me here in the dark, all by myself
Here, what is down is down, and what is up is up

In the down, loiters this lover of the moon
Laced with envy, yearning and grief come too soon
If only I could reach the up, and touch it once more
All would be settled, but all would be wrong

If I touch you with love once more, would you still leave?
Would not your determination finally give in?
Do not call me god-slayer, that is not my sin
Was it truly a god, if it was killed?

Are you your dead god’s will made flesh?
Are you here to do what he does best?
You see, I only ever killed once that too out of love
I only ever wished to be enough